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c2105026

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I'm not saying that people shouldn't have children.

 

If a couple is right for each other and they are ready to have children and raise them to be respectful and well behaved, then more power to them.

 

My point was that there are a lot of people who are pressured into getting married and having kids when they shouldn't be doing either.

 

Just because Society or your Family says that getting married when you're 25 and having two kids by 30 is the right thing to do does not make it so.

 

I've accepted that I'm not ready for a family and I don't see anything wrong with that. I see my self being miserable as a husband and father, and since I've spent so much of my life not feeling good about myself, I'm not willing to put myself in a situation where I know the outcome will be negative when I can put myself in another situation where I know that I will be satisfied with my life.

 

Fortunately everyone is not like me and has not had the life experiences that I have had. They haven't learned what it is to be really disappointed and they haven't lived with deeply hurtful people and so they don't even know how bad things can be and are therefore willing to take more chances than I am.

No matter how bad your life has been - there are people who's life is much worse.

Count your blessings and look at the bright side.

Maybe you should not get married and start a family - certainly age is not a specific requirement.

If you met the right person and conditions were favorable, your decision might be changed.

Every person has their own sense of family and marriage may or may not be right for them.

There are people who should never get married or never have any children,

then again some people should get married and have a family that don't.

The pressure should not be the impetus that drives a relationship.

Fortunately society will still exist, if you get married, or if you don't.

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trap

Well, In australia the median age for guys getting married is 30-31. So I have a few years to wait until I become normal.

 

I would love to have family and kids - which is why that despite being bi means I am attracted to both genders roughly equally I will most likely pursue a hetro relationship. I feel as though humans have a basic obligation to science and nature to mate and procreate - that is only my opinion/beleif system though; obviously if you are fully gay that would be impossible, as would be if you were infertile or simply did not want any offspring.

 

OTOH I may not be ready for a relationship - any relationship for that matter - I acknowledge I do have underlying anxiety, confidence and self esteem issues which has manifested itself in friendships as jealousy, anger - in the near future I am set to work on these issues with a therapist. I beleive the sessions will be invaluable. But I have never learnt anything useful in life by textbooks, intellectualism and psychobabble, I just get in there and do it, even if an independant person guides me. You would be surprised by the amount of self-help books I have read, support groups I have gone to but really if you want to better your situation all you have to do is say '' ís what i am doing/thinking right now in my best interests"

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Well....this turned out to be an interesting topic huh?

 

Just for the record. I'm 54 , two daughters 25 and 21, married for 27 years, brought up Catholic, never had a homosexual desire. I have always been a free thinker and more than once called a rebel by my mother.....I do have a little rebel in me but have always tried to do the right thing.

 

So.................

 

C - you always sound like a person who thinks things out with a reasoning mind. You have loads to offer. Just continue with that same reasoning and chances are that you'll make the right choices for yourself. If you have the desire to chose, I would think you're right in choosing to be hetero......it has to be easier than being gay or bi. Making a choice and sticking to it has to make life less stressful for you. I have no bias either way...straight or not, as long as neither is flamboyant in their sexuality I'm fine with it.....you know "get a room". I recently moved. At the old house I lived next door to 2 lesbians. Both union electricians, very solid people, the salt of the earth and I wish I could have brought them with us. At the new house we live in a 13 home development. One of the new neighbors is a lesbian couple. Great gals and I know we'll enjoy their company over the years.

 

99 - Like I said...stick to your guns but don't rule a family out. Keep an open mind on the subject and even if your life has been full of hurt, there must be someone in your life that "knows how to do it well". As you get older you will probably recognize the people that influenced you along the way....both good and bad. Take the good and use them as the model of how you want to do it. As good a job as my folks did, I still want to do things differently than them....it can be hard to break the patterns though. I had HUGE positive influences from my aunts and uncles on my father's side.....very solid people that grew up in the teens and twenties of the last decade. We've brought up two really nice girls who are achievers but more importantly they are good human beings. Even while taking some of the credit for this I suspect they will do a better job than my wife and I in some respects. Chose the right mate and you'll see that you tend to balance each other. Some things you'll do better and some things they will do better.....it's just the way it works. Most importantly though, do it only when it's right for YOU!!! If you do have kids, make them the priority over all else....it matters.

 

Good luck to you all,

Jay in MA

Edited by TRCar54

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Nobody is perfect.

We all should try to do the best we can with what we have.

As long as we are a productive member of society and not a burden to it, we are fine.

Sexual preference is your own personal choice, although traditional roles are a good foundation for society.

Remember that what you do has influence on others.

No one knows the future and that is the the excitement that propels us thru life.

Enjoy life.

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As long as we are a productive member of society and not a burden to it, we are fine.

Enjoy life.

 

Which is why I have worked my butt off for the past four and a half years to get a mechanical engineering degree so I can get a good job.

 

I figure that a good job will make me a productive member of society and will allow me to enjoy life because I'll be able to support myself.

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As long as we are a productive member of society and not a burden to it, we are fine.

Enjoy life.

 

Which is why I have worked my butt off for the past four and a half years to get a mechanical engineering degree so I can get a good job.

 

I figure that a good job will make me a productive member of society and will allow me to enjoy life because I'll be able to support myself.

That definitely is a worthwhile goal.

In addition to what you do at your job, any community service would also be a help to society.

Certainly a good job that pays well helps the country economically, since what you purchase helps business.

You also have to allow yourself some personal pleasures and consider relationships, as well.

Edited by Bikeman982

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