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c2105026

issue being resolved

muzak

Hello all,

C2105026 has an issue, but not with his corolla.

BTW any [blocked]phobic/anti-queer responses will not be tolerated or welcome.

I think you would find it better to contact "Dear Abby" By the way...your quote about "not being tolerated or welcome...well why have it in a topic such as Corolla's in the first place??? On the other hand.........I have two daughters and the one was married last year to her female spouse.!

 

 

c2105026

well, when the general discussion forum started it was stated by the moderator that this forum section can be used for things like personal issues.....

My apologies if what I said was too confronting but, well, that is the way things are down this end! default_smile

Bikeman982

Get your act together and take action.

Ask the girl out on dates and see what develops.

If you are gay - don't talk to me, I am not for homosexuality.

Usually it is the female who chooses the mate, but you can help her with the final decision.

It would be helpful if the girls drive Corollas.

Ok let's just say this about this post:

There is nothing in the rules that prohibits it.

That being said, you are not likely to get high quality relationship and psychological advice on a Corolla forum. I don't think anyone on there has a Doctorate in Psychology, nor is anyone on here a relationship counselor to the best of my knowledge.

My advice to you is simple: Fancying friends is a bad idea. Let friends be friends and nothing more if you value their friendship.

Just a Reminder:

THIS IS A PRIVATELY OWNED FORUM AND THE MODERATORS AND ULTIMATELY THE ADMINISTRATORS HAVE FINAL SAY OVER WHAT IS POSTED VIOLATING THE RULES WILL GET YOU WARNED OR WORSE.

Bikeman982

Fred has to worry - you and Jane have the connection.

c2105026

ok, cool, problem resolved for now - just thought someone out there may have been in a similar situation and overcame it.

i won't proceed any further here. case closed.

Larry Roll

Fascinating topic, actually. I can't identify with the "bisexual" thing because I have no experience with anything like that. As far as the "heterosexual" relationships are concerned, assuming that the facts are being related accurately, then you seem to be on the inside track with Jane. So, it is there where I would commit my efforts, if I were you.

One important thing I can say is that if I had my entire life to live over again, I would have chosen a lifetime partner at a much younger age, and I would have required from her a level of commitment equal to my own. If children enter the picture, you no longer have just yourselves to consider. You must provide them with a stable and loving home, and an environment in which they can develop into functional, well-rounded adults. A primary cause of the severe cultural decay we're presently seeing throughout Western civilization is the loss of solid, traditional family values. This leads to vast numbers of people coming from "broken" homes -- lacking discipline, a sense of belonging to a family, and hence, no sense of place within a community. The result is always the same -- crime, violence, greed, well, in general, all of the 7 deadly sins and the evils which come from them. Then we seek the governments to clean up the mess, but they can't and never will.

Therefore, it is your responsibility as a young man to steer yourself in a more noble direction than that which has been taken by others before you. You must avoid selfishness, and instead give of yourself generously. Creating a solid, stable family unit that stays together, and brings forth another generation of people who will do likewise, would be the greatest contribution you could possibly make to this world. Always keep that in mind. It's not all about you.

Creating a solid, stable family unit that stays together, and brings forth another generation of people who will do likewise, would be the greatest contribution you could possibly make to this world. Always keep that in mind. It's not all about you.

The consequence of the 50% divorce rate is that many of us younger ones have re-evaluated what it means to be married and what it means to be a parent.

While you state that creating a solid stable family unit that stays together is the greatest contribution you could make, I think that an equally great contribution is to make the decision not to create such a unit if you are not ready to or can not see yourself doing so. We don't need more children born into homes where they will not be reared, but left to their own devices so that they grow up as unruly children and dysfunctional adults.

Larry Roll

Creating a solid, stable family unit that stays together, and brings forth another generation of people who will do likewise, would be the greatest contribution you could possibly make to this world. Always keep that in mind. It's not all about you.

The consequence of the 50% divorce rate is that many of us younger ones have re-evaluated what it means to be married and what it means to be a parent.

While you state that creating a solid stable family unit that stays together is the greatest contribution you could make, I think that an equally great contribution is to make the decision not to create such a unit if you are not ready to or can not see yourself doing so. We don't need more children born into homes where they will not be reared, but left to their own devices so that they grow up as unruly children and dysfunctional adults.

Absolutely. It's no secret that some people are not emotionally disposed to be good parents. Unfortunately, a lot of them have children anyway. If more people could recognize that incapacity in themselves early enough, it would indeed be a blessing on society if they chose not to have any children. Again I restate -- it's not all about you!

Absolutely. It's no secret that some people are not emotionally disposed to be good parents. Unfortunately, a lot of them have children anyway. If more people could recognize that incapacity in themselves early enough, it would indeed be a blessing on society if they chose not to have any children. Again I restate -- it's not all about you!

The problem is while there are smart young ones like myself who recognize that we would not make a good parent, we are almost always pressured by their parents/peers into settling down, even if it is with the wrong person because getting married and having your kids in your 20s is the "right" thing to do. This pressure is even more intense when the family and friends are religious types.

I face this pressure on a constant basis but I am able to resist it, I've seen a life sized, 3-D example of what having your children too young and with the wrong person does and I won't have any part of it.. Others aren't so lucky as to have had a good example of what not to do and like you said they have children even though they probably shouldn't. The result is that they have a lot of relationship problems and are not the parents they need to be. Their children grow up to be spoiled and bratty. They run up and down the aisles in the grocery store, throw food at their siblings and scream in restaurants and kick the back of the seat in front of them on a plane.

I will not have any of that, My money will be mine, and I'll spend it on expensive electronics, sharp clothes, elegant imported dinnerware, Sweedish furniture, 2 seat cars and one bedroom lofts. My "selfish" ways will not only stimulate the economy, but they will give others the pleasure of not having one more spoiled little kid to put up with.

The way I choose to live It isn't about me, it is about not putting a child in an unfair environment where they will not get what they need and it is about not burdening society with yet another improperly reared child.

I ultimately am not a selfish person, I give of my time and money to help others. Yet I am continually told that my act of not settling down and having some children is selfish. I just don't see it that way.

TRCar54

In the end it's nobody's business but your own....stick to your guns and enjoy life as you chose.

............. Yet I am continually told that my act of not settling down and having some children is selfish. I just don't see it that way.

In the end it's nobody's business but your own....stick to your guns and enjoy life as you chose.

Good answer, that's what I've been told by everyone who has no vested interest in me having grandchildren for them to play with.

Glad to hear that some people still use common sense instead of letting their personal desires cloud their judgment.

Bikeman982

You have to look at each individual and then expand it into a society of like people.

If one person decides not to have any children (or even get married), then humans will cease to exist, if everyone else decides to do the same.

Fortunately there are people who believe in the tradional values of a traditional family.

Unfortunately there are also irresponsible or unsuitable people having babies and society inherits them.

Imagine what a society would be like consisting of only homosexuals.

Babies would get adopted, or come about thru some artificial method.

Divorces occur in many cases due to a lack of serious commitment to a chosen mate.

Is it right to stay with someone you don't get along with??

Obviously people are different and they also change over time.

Some couples stay and grow together, while others drift apart or become less compatible.

We all know someone who is divorced and someone who has been married for many years.

What is the difference - seek the answer and learn from both examples.

That's my 2 cents.

P.S. I just had my 30th anniversary.

I have three kids, the oldest married and the other two still living at home.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't have children.

If a couple is right for each other and they are ready to have children and raise them to be respectful and well behaved, then more power to them.

My point was that there are a lot of people who are pressured into getting married and having kids when they shouldn't be doing either.

Just because Society or your Family says that getting married when you're 25 and having two kids by 30 is the right thing to do does not make it so.

I've accepted that I'm not ready for a family and I don't see anything wrong with that. I see my self being miserable as a husband and father, and since I've spent so much of my life not feeling good about myself, I'm not willing to put myself in a situation where I know the outcome will be negative when I can put myself in another situation where I know that I will be satisfied with my life.

Fortunately everyone is not like me and has not had the life experiences that I have had. They haven't learned what it is to be really disappointed and they haven't lived with deeply hurtful people and so they don't even know how bad things can be and are therefore willing to take more chances than I am.

Bikeman982

I'm not saying that people shouldn't have children.

If a couple is right for each other and they are ready to have children and raise them to be respectful and well behaved, then more power to them.

My point was that there are a lot of people who are pressured into getting married and having kids when they shouldn't be doing either.

Just because Society or your Family says that getting married when you're 25 and having two kids by 30 is the right thing to do does not make it so.

I've accepted that I'm not ready for a family and I don't see anything wrong with that. I see my self being miserable as a husband and father, and since I've spent so much of my life not feeling good about myself, I'm not willing to put myself in a situation where I know the outcome will be negative when I can put myself in another situation where I know that I will be satisfied with my life.

Fortunately everyone is not like me and has not had the life experiences that I have had. They haven't learned what it is to be really disappointed and they haven't lived with deeply hurtful people and so they don't even know how bad things can be and are therefore willing to take more chances than I am.

No matter how bad your life has been - there are people who's life is much worse.

 

Count your blessings and look at the bright side.

Maybe you should not get married and start a family - certainly age is not a specific requirement.

If you met the right person and conditions were favorable, your decision might be changed.

Every person has their own sense of family and marriage may or may not be right for them.

There are people who should never get married or never have any children,

then again some people should get married and have a family that don't.

The pressure should not be the impetus that drives a relationship.

Fortunately society will still exist, if you get married, or if you don't.

c2105026

Well, In australia the median age for guys getting married is 30-31. So I have a few years to wait until I become normal.

I would love to have family and kids - which is why that despite being bi means I am attracted to both genders roughly equally I will most likely pursue a hetro relationship. I feel as though humans have a basic obligation to science and nature to mate and procreate - that is only my opinion/beleif system though; obviously if you are fully gay that would be impossible, as would be if you were infertile or simply did not want any offspring.

OTOH I may not be ready for a relationship - any relationship for that matter - I acknowledge I do have underlying anxiety, confidence and self esteem issues which has manifested itself in friendships as jealousy, anger - in the near future I am set to work on these issues with a therapist. I beleive the sessions will be invaluable. But I have never learnt anything useful in life by textbooks, intellectualism and psychobabble, I just get in there and do it, even if an independant person guides me. You would be surprised by the amount of self-help books I have read, support groups I have gone to but really if you want to better your situation all you have to do is say '' ís what i am doing/thinking right now in my best interests"

TRCar54

Well....this turned out to be an interesting topic huh?

Just for the record. I'm 54 , two daughters 25 and 21, married for 27 years, brought up Catholic, never had a homosexual desire. I have always been a free thinker and more than once called a rebel by my mother.....I do have a little rebel in me but have always tried to do the right thing.

So.................

C - you always sound like a person who thinks things out with a reasoning mind. You have loads to offer. Just continue with that same reasoning and chances are that you'll make the right choices for yourself. If you have the desire to chose, I would think you're right in choosing to be hetero......it has to be easier than being gay or bi. Making a choice and sticking to it has to make life less stressful for you. I have no bias either way...straight or not, as long as neither is flamboyant in their sexuality I'm fine with it.....you know "get a room". I recently moved. At the old house I lived next door to 2 lesbians. Both union electricians, very solid people, the salt of the earth and I wish I could have brought them with us. At the new house we live in a 13 home development. One of the new neighbors is a lesbian couple. Great gals and I know we'll enjoy their company over the years.

99 - Like I said...stick to your guns but don't rule a family out. Keep an open mind on the subject and even if your life has been full of hurt, there must be someone in your life that "knows how to do it well". As you get older you will probably recognize the people that influenced you along the way....both good and bad. Take the good and use them as the model of how you want to do it. As good a job as my folks did, I still want to do things differently than them....it can be hard to break the patterns though. I had HUGE positive influences from my aunts and uncles on my father's side.....very solid people that grew up in the teens and twenties of the last decade. We've brought up two really nice girls who are achievers but more importantly they are good human beings. Even while taking some of the credit for this I suspect they will do a better job than my wife and I in some respects. Chose the right mate and you'll see that you tend to balance each other. Some things you'll do better and some things they will do better.....it's just the way it works. Most importantly though, do it only when it's right for YOU!!! If you do have kids, make them the priority over all else....it matters.

Good luck to you all,

Jay in MA

Bikeman982

Nobody is perfect.

We all should try to do the best we can with what we have.

As long as we are a productive member of society and not a burden to it, we are fine.

Sexual preference is your own personal choice, although traditional roles are a good foundation for society.

Remember that what you do has influence on others.

No one knows the future and that is the the excitement that propels us thru life.

Enjoy life.

As long as we are a productive member of society and not a burden to it, we are fine.Enjoy life.

Which is why I have worked my butt off for the past four and a half years to get a mechanical engineering degree so I can get a good job.

I figure that a good job will make me a productive member of society and will allow me to enjoy life because I'll be able to support myself.

Bikeman982

As long as we are a productive member of society and not a burden to it, we are fine.Enjoy life.

Which is why I have worked my butt off for the past four and a half years to get a mechanical engineering degree so I can get a good job.

I figure that a good job will make me a productive member of society and will allow me to enjoy life because I'll be able to support myself.

That definitely is a worthwhile goal.

 

In addition to what you do at your job, any community service would also be a help to society.

Certainly a good job that pays well helps the country economically, since what you purchase helps business.

You also have to allow yourself some personal pleasures and consider relationships, as well.